Tuesday, May 29

A New Theme:

So, I've decided to take this blog in a different direction and do something that I've always wanted to do.

This blog now is my official "Critic Corner" or what is now to be known as:

The JackScore

I'm going to start to critique and review all the new movies that I see over the week and during the weekend.

New and old, if I watch a movie (more than likely) I'll review it.

Now, since I've got a few to catch up on I'll probably post a few today.

So let's get started with a big "summer blockbuster":

Spider-Man 3


Now I may have been one of the only people who liked the second movie in the series, but at least that film had a story line. In the new movie the writers try to wrap everything into a 2 hour format unsuccessfully.

First off, for all the Spidey fanatics we finally get to see a major part of Peter's battle, Venom. Enter bad guy number one. A meteor falls to Earth unleashing a strange substance, a parasite if you will, that feeds off the emotions of the host. Infecting Peter makes him embrace all the opposite characteristics of his personality. Yeah, special effects, but all in all a complete let down. Peter turns into this overly confident kid who still retains all his nerdiness. Women look at him with a bit of intrigue but more so curiosity. Why oh why is this nerdy kid looking at me like he's undressing me with his mind, ew!

Bad guy number 2...The Sandman. Kind hearted convict escapes prison to see his hoo...then gets mixed up in an experiment accidentally which turns his body into sand. I guess his brain got sandy in the mix as well because he loses his nice streak and beats the snot out of Spidey.

Numbero 3, Harry, Peter's best friend. Harry takes the place of his father and turns himself into a sad, but better dressed version of the Goblin. After a fake amnesia scare Harry turns out to be not so bad in the end. But is this the end of Spidey's best friend? Yeah, we never find that out...

And finally...a very annoying Peter wannabe Eddie (Topher Grace) makes an un-needed appearance as an alternate version of Venom...and in the process grows some fangs. Why you ask? No fangs when Peter is affected so why does Topher...well that would've been nice to know.

The story line is so thrown together. But basically runs like this...Spider-man is now hero of the city despite JJ's efforts to demonize him at the Daily Bugle. Mary Jane is no longer content with her B.F. being a public figure and begins to envy his popularity...conflict ensues...blah blah blah. Harry tries to kill Spidey, fails..conflict ensues. The Sandman wants money for his kid, Spidey stops him, he gets mad...conflict ensues. Parasite attacks Pete, he goes into "nerdy sexy mode" pisses off Mary Jane and flirts with a blond girl (Bryce Dallas Howard). Pete and MJ break up...blah blah. Spidey defeats parasite which falls onto Topher Grace; Topher goes loco and attacks Spidey with his fangs and tongue (don't go there)...conflict ensues. Someone tells Harry his father was killed by his own machine, not by Spidey/Pete like he'd originally thought, blah blah. Harry forgives Pete. Huge fight scene in the end. Harry and Pete versus Sandman and Venom II..wonder who wins. Pete and MJ make up, sort of.

No wedding, no Spidey babies, no closure. Just a big wide open space. This movie lacks in so many areas. There is barely a story line at all and so many holes. Tobey gives us nothing, except a laughable Pete when he's infected with the parasite. Watching him strut down the avenue, I nearly peed my pants. A big let down, the whole thing. They tried to fit so much into one movie and left us with the most important things unanswered. This could have and should have been easily spread out. Even if they do make another I think this movie has put a sour enough taste in my mouth to stay away from this Spider-Man franchise. Take a cue from Barbara Bush when choosing to see this let down and "Just Say No."

JackScore: (a whopping) 1.5 out of 5 stars.

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